Jen Lancaster, My Literary Hero

Jen Lancaster is an author from my hometown of Chicago. I've read almost all of her books, mostly the memoirs which has gained her a loyal following. As well as some of her fiction. I've also met her a few times and expressed my gratitude for all that she is and the honesty and humor she shares especially when she's down and out.

She was the one of the first writers I knew that could be both funny and human and imperfect and unapologetic ally so.  Jen's books are Laugh Out Loud funny., "people staring at you while you're reading on the bus" funny.

When she her position at dot.com company was eliminated, she worked shitty temp jobs and struggled to pay her gas bill and buy groceries that weren't cereal for dinner. Basically she's been where I've been. But she's also never let these setbacks stop her from writing, and continuing to have a sense of humor.  She knew she was destined for greater things. Read Bitter is the New Black!! I relate to her on so many levels.

Jen writes the books I hope to write someday. Most recently, "Stories I'd Tell in Bars"

This most recent book "Stories I'd Tell in Bars" is her best work yet. (Which she awesomely released HERSELF!!) Jen gets real, about how she maintains a long lasting relationship, about marriage, about her childhood but not in a serious, preachy "woe is me" kind of way. but in an engaging way complete with Sixteen Candles references, and how she learned how to hang a picture  by slamming a nail with a shoe, with a little bit of reflection and object lessons mixed in. This book has had me crying tears of laughter and joy and sadness all in the same chapter. 

I don't want to give it away the funny parts. But this particular passage spoke to me specifically. Those of you who have read previous posts know that I had a troubled relationship with my mother and my stepdad.. and I'm still finding new ways to articulate and move past my anger and issues relating to growing up under their roof. Jen read my mind when she described her own experience, I was literally chatting with a friend and said "isn't it interesting what we learn is normal vs. not normal when we grow older, and how we develop our own unique talents, wondering how they started? I'd write a chapter on that in my own book.

Begins with her being offered free cosmetic enhancements, leads to foreign exchange students, Sixteen Candles references and her parents...

"Until I worked with a therapist I assumed other families operated the same way as mine, that every parent demanded credit for their children's successes, regardless of how hands-off they might have been leading up to it. I figured everyone's folks left their offspring to fend for themselves, disciplining t hem when they got it wrong. And when that inevitably would happen, the norm was to bring up the incident again, never allowing the children to forget their mistakes because "That's what build's character." That's why my goal growing up was to figure out how to be as fault-less as I could, so I could avoid being bullied by those whose only obligation was to love me without condition"

In my case, I would be called a perfectionist like it was a disease by the very same people who were the cause and it wasn't my equally "perfectionist" father. 

Every. Single. Word. Truth I so admire this woman for putting words on something it look me decades to fathom, these words made sense of a pain that I'm still trying to work through 15 years later.  Thank you Jen.  Once again, my literary heroes come to my rescue. Including Jen who's first book saved me at a time when I was overworked, underpaid, and desperately dreaming and hoping and praying for a different life. Jen gave me hope that it DOES get better. and you can succeed and you could even be HAPPY! what a concept?! Well I'm there now. and her second piece of advice to me was to "write every day". and I'm sure trying. When I was in college I went to a student fair, one of the professors whose class I would eventually take was also a palm reader. and even though I'm not a believer in mystical things. He said: One Day You're Going to Write Something Very Important That Helps a lot of People

Which is awfully ironic, given that my grandmother the single biggest influence in my life, the woman that taught me to read, the first person who believed I could write a book, even a humorous one.  Was a columnist herself.  "Life's a Beech" for the local paper, with similar anecdotes and well versed humor and wit. I would love to be the guide for someone the way Jen and MB are for me.  It's not impossible.