Starting Over

Question: Is it possible to "start over" with someone? (a friend, family member, lover) any of these categories?

I've been toying with the idea of forgiveness. (Especially, not an easy thing for my stubborn nature to conceive)

I struggle with balance  not wanting to be a "doormat" and just forgive the same people over and over vs. holding a grudge forever and not having any desire to let that go. (stubborn)

I've seen the latter in action and it has the potential to ruin families, mothers/daughters, best friends, relationships.

When is "sorry" just not enough? How many "sorry's" are acceptable from the same person for the same action with no signs of changing?  Personally, that's when I fold the hand.

When people's actions or lack thereof are impeding on my life, and causing me more harm than good.

As time goes on, and with a little bit of distance, can those things be forgiven as well? My grandmother has said (in regards to grudges/arguments) "Don't let too much time pass without talking to someone that it's gone too far and you can't come back from it."

In my experience I've had people disappear for a year (two being the longest) for their own reasons. I tried to reach out but my attempts went unanswered. It was painful. I was going through a difficult time and I need this person. They weren't there. They called one day after two years our of the blue. At first I was furious, how selfish was this person to just disappear for their own reasons and then have the nerve to come back and drop these bombs on me? But the anger dissipated quickly. I had my friend back and I was quick to absolve them and move onto the next thing.  Insert more drama, disappointment and me being taken for granted. I had had enough of the same cycle repeated for over a decade. I couldn't help this person anymore. I blocked them out. from my life, in all ways possible.

Second instance, I have an eccentric friend, she is loyal, she is creative, and she's been there for me again for over a decade. We got into a disagreement about meeting up. *she and I are both self described ''flakes'' and accept that about each other* but this time, I felt like her fear about the situation was getting in the way of our friendship. and I point blank said that to her. That conflict has come up on more than one occasion. We are very different people with extremely different perspectives and emotional needs. We never communicate in the same way. and this all blows up sometimes even when we take great effort to accept each other.  We distanced ourselves from each other.

(this happens at the same time as the other person) I was starting to go mad: "Is it me? Is it them?"I always try to stay objective.. 3 months pass, and I've come to the realization that it doesn't matter.


Do people need to apologize for who they are? Can people be accepted for their limitations?

How can you accept your part in an argument without being the ''doormat" and still make your point? Can you live without them? Do you need them, and not just someone? (I have more on this topic, but this kind of emo exposure is exhausting.. TBC)