Adulting is hard *Money and Wardrobe Edition*

So in the new book I'm reading(Meaty by Samantha Irby) which is a collection of hilarious non-fiction essays 

Her friends decide to teach her some fiscal responsibility and she needs to write down in detail what she spends and on what in a week  not just Target $120 but the actual itemization.

I'm reading and cackling at my desk because her "spending diary" is VERY similar to mine.

(but she doesn't have a mountain of credit card debt like I do)

Irby's purchases:

Quite a few restaurant/cocktail purchases from outings with friends 

Bath and Body Works (relatable, I too have spent $40 on antibacterial hand soaps, because Softsoap is for savages!)

Magazine purchases in excess of $30

Cable/Internet bill (which like me she finds as an absolute basic need)-- how else are you supposed to interact with the world? *with people in Real Time? No thank you! Not if I can help it.

Amazon DVD's, CD's and headphones-same!

Rosie's purchases

Sunday: 

$28 weekly CTA pass (transportation)

$20 ATM withdrawal (spending cash for cocktails and such)

 $95 to renew Yearly Art Institute Membership (because, I HATE waiting in line, I ADORE free coffee, water and a place to read & hide) + $5 for audio tour headphones

$14 cocktail at CAA Hotel to watch free performance of flamenco dancing

$54.55 Target ($20 cash) + $34 in groceries 

Monday:

Check $36 Dental Insurance

Check $58 Gas Bill
* Look at me.. being responsible I have my act together today*

Tuesday

$5 Starbucks (Chai Latte) because it was the deal I made myself for getting out of bed

Lunch $7.00 (salad bar)

Wednesday

Lunch $5.68 (half sandwich)

Drinks and Apps with Rachel at the rooftop bar $35.00 (WTF?!) one cocktail, one beer and two apps was $60? I think we were cheated.

Mariano's $7.36- Hair dye (because MY GREY HAIR IS OUT OF CONTROL and directly proportionate to the number of times someone calls me "Ma'am" in a day!) + I had a 2.00 coupon) why spend $100 in a salon when you can glop all of your hair into a dark mess and look like Lydia from Beetlejuice, while you assess your triple chin in the mirror and stain your fingers and everything in a half mile radius black in the comfort of your own bathroom? No contest!

Rec Center Gym Membership $30.77 (because I want to use the pool/steam room/hot tub and stare at the handsome lifeguards and consider it a "social activity")

Thursday

$10 on 2 containers of broccoli garlic craft soup from the farmer's market for next week's lunch.

Lunch $9.00 (full sandwich, saved half for tomorrow's lunch.) 

Pact $41 - Organic cotton online store Super Sale ( 2 t-shirts & 2 pairs of underwear)

Friday

brought a lunch today 

$39.00 Walgreen's $25 gift card for Grandpa birthday (along with a previously purchased bottle of wine and some K-cups)  + wine gift bag + get well card for my aunt

$7.49 for a knee sleeve/wrap * because I injured my knee competing with a tiny beast of a woman to win a March Madness challenge at the gym (I WON but 5 months later and about 50 PT sessions and chiropractor visits later I'm still recovering!) 

+ 2 chocolate bars

I would hardly call this an extravagant lifestyle. I'm not a woman who cares about makeup or shoes, or purses. I buy clothes 2x a year and only purchase items that can be worn all year round. because when you work in an office and barely see the light of day in Chicago, it doesn't matter how you dress because it could be 90 degrees in the morning and by the afternoon drop back down to 40 degrees or vice versa.

Irby she also talks about how the majority of her clothes are both PJ's (indoor clothes) are the same as her "outdoor clothes-- all i can say is .... Same!!!

In fact, upon further investigation the contents wardrobe include:

Work clothes.. (85% of which come from Ann Taylor Loft Clearance section and 30% can be considered clothes your mom would wear, as they are functional and can be worn during all seasons)

ALLLL of the T-shirts! and somehow find justification for buying new t-shirts everyday that are various sizes from:

(too small) but wear them around the apartment,  men's shirts, shirts with cartoons, dogs, or characters. 

 "hair dying/cleaning"  t-shirts. Sometimes I wear my black tank tops while cleaning the apt and then accidentally get bleach on every single one. .. this is why almost all of them are now just worn around the house or underneath things. Also WHY is the bleach stain always a huge circle located directly on one of my boobs?? It looks like I've been groped by Elmo!

  
or workout shirts that are too small and or because I underestimated my diet of all meat and carbs consumed an hour before passing out on the couch dreaming that I'm in the top 10 constants on The Voice 

Besides,  I'm too poor to shop at LuluLemon and buy Nike sneakers like the other girls in class. even before I broke body from sheer pride and stubbornness. If you are a member of my family and need proof that i was in fact the winner of the challenge, you may refer to ppwestloopchicago post on Instagram from end of March in which I am standing next to tiny Asian woman, (LOSER of the challenge) while I (The WINNER) am wearing a long sleeve black graphic shirt worn during a cardio class, and alsoone week prior to work!. (See??! multi functional and all seasons!)

 (1 pair baggy, PMS jeans my grandma gave me because they were too small on her)

 2 pairs of "nice" jeans from Gap (nice=without a hole in them) 

 one pair black stretchy jeans I use as work pants specifically on Wednesday/ Thursdays when It is socially unacceptable to wear the same pair of black legging "pants" 3 days in a row that are chafing to my meaty thighs and also fall off my ass. 

and a skinny grey pair that I just discovered has a hole in an unsightly place but I will throw a long tank to cover it up so I can still wear them because my ill- conceived fashion mind considers grey jeans "edgy"

Weekend wear consists of Capri leggings, a black tank top (with bleach stains) or alternating t-shirt from one of the categories described above and a black baseball cap.  (Either White Sox or David Blaine (the magician). Purchased by my dad as a gift.

This uniform applies regardless of the nature of the event/ venues. Because if I'm being honest, for you to get me to leave the affectionately known "Tower"/apartment then you should already consider this a big WIN on your part.

I am a 33 year old woman and I have exactly 3 dresses that may be appropriate for a "date" and or a nice dinner with the grandparents. Because when spending time with the grandparents or a newly acquainted member of the opposite sex.  You must portray the image that "Life is Grand" and that you are a contributing member of society that is keeping the family name in good standing and not in fact a garbage human who ate popcorn for dinner the night before drooling over Nick Jonas' Instagram page trying not to think about the fact that you haven't been on a date (one where you didn't pay for yourself in 6 years) and he is engaged to an exotic and brilliant woman that is OLDER than him. (THANK YOU VERY MUCH) and passing out at 8pm. >> The epitome of success!