Jude & Norah Forever

Jude & Norah Forever

I decided to watch “My Blueberry Nights” which if you’re not familiar is actually NOT a porno based on Violet from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory but a drama/rom/com with Norah Jones and Jude Law. My cousin tells me I look like Norah 

and so I figure I can try to manifest *Jude Law*.

Not him specifically, but someone with a British accent who is kind and a good listener with a “broken” heart.  Razor sharp jaw line is a plus but not a requirement

So, I “unsnoozed” my Bumble account and start swiping.

Whenever re-activate my online dating profile, I start off feeling optimistic. "YEAH. I’ll find a nice guy, it will be easy!" I have relatively low standards:

Give me a cup of coffee and a solid opening line with a book you’re reading that’s not a comic book featuring a super hero or Star Wars character and *swoon* I’m yours.

2 minutes later I get an alert... “Jay” has extended his time to chat with you *which had expired* LUCKY YOU! I type” Hi Jay, what brings you to Chicago?”.... a few hours pass I go to bed. *Wake up*

There is a message from Jay at 1:00am on Tuesday:

“Hi Rosie, I’m actually leaving tomorrow, but feel free to come by my Airbnb I have the whole place to myself tonight.”

I think to myself. “Whoa, that’ sounds very creep-tastic ” (and the best way to get an STD.)

Also, I am not awake at 1AM on ANY day let alone a Tuesday night/morning

*considers typing “No thank you” because Americans are just as polite as the Brits?!*

 Decide against it and just “UNMATCH”

The REAL JUDE LAW would not approve!  (But then I remember he had an affair with his nanny and I’m not sure if he would or not.  Illusions shattered.) At least There’s Tom Hardy?! 

He’s plays an superhero right? *googles Tom Hardy*…. Finds out about drug use and other scandalous behavior in his youth and *inserts Optimism because nobody is perfect*

He has a past… but at least he’s turned his life around, and there are videos of him reading children’s stories and playing with puppies! He’s a friend to all creatures with a good heart, and an accent! I think that covers everything I need. Proves my point,   Fantasies are just as  disappointing as the reality of online dating. 

Until the next episode...