About Humanity- Notes on The Book of Joy.

I finished The Book of Joy as mentioned was in my reading queue in the last post. 

I even took notes on it like the good student I used to be. I have horrible short term memory and felt like I wanted to have pearls of wisdom to look back on in moments of difficulty. So here's my takeaway

A journalist (Doug Abrams) sat down with the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu & asked them questions about: suffering,  how to live a life filled with Joy, how to maintain joy in a world full of violence and chaos. 

These two great minds and icons are genuinely close friends and although different religions they had much in common: exile, combating hate, violence, illness and death of loved ones. But with each painful story they told there were exponentially more positive lessons and moments they discussed.

Resilience and recovering from painful events is a shared experience. Everyone suffers and in that we are alike.  Until recently I was self centered enough to think that my pain and my past were unique. I knew realistically that wasn't true but that's what my ego told itself. 

 

"Self-centeredness is most of our default perspective. It comes quite literally from the fact that we are the center of our own world.  Taking a "God’s eye" perspective allows us to transcend our limited We can empathize with others and start to see the interdependence that envelops us all, which reveals how we treat others, and is ultimately how we treat ourselves. We also recognize that we do not control all aspects of any situation This leads to a greater sense of humility, humor and acceptance."

What I took away from the book was this: If you are not experiencing Joy. it's because you allow your mind and your past get in your own way. You are focusing on yourself. Most unhappiness comes from feeling isolated and unloved. When we rely solely on our own strength without asking for help and without the support of our community When we are babies we can only survive dependent on others and by receiving love and we die eventually the same way. 

I avoided any discussion of feelings or vulnerability of any kind, I separated myself from other people. Stopped showing up to things, blaming them, judging them, my own sobriety and "growing apart". I see now I lacked confidence I used to have when I was excessively drinking all the time.  I am still guilty of overthinking/saying or doing the wrong thing. 

ACCEPTANCE

"As we have accepted ourselves our vulnerabilities and our humanity, we can accept the humanity of others. We can have compassion for our faults and have compassion for those of others. We can be generous and give our joy to others. We can take in the suffering of others and give them back our joy."

Remember you are a part of a greater community. Humanity. That is someone that everyone has in common regardless of race, religion, gender, politics. we all have in common. Imperfect, flawed and beautiful all at the same time. The path of joy is connection. The path of sorrow is separation

If you're feeling helpless. Help someone. Be Kinder. Be more patient. Remember everything is temporary. (Which makes every happy moment more joyful and the worst ones bearable)   Realize that someone can be happier with less.

 Some days practicing these observations is very easy. Even when the commute is terrible and people are rude and impatient, I breathe and smile and let the frustration roll off.

Other days,  I become furious at the actions of others, I put too much  pressure on myself for things to be perfect. To buy the perfect gift, to write the perfect thank you card to do the right thing. To make the most of my day. and I get frustrated when I witness people's "laziness" I quote this because its all about perception which is of course objective.

This passage was illuminating for me:

“Stress and anxiety often come from too much expectation and too much ambition, then when we don’t fulfill that expectation or achieve that ambition we experience frustration. Right from the beginning it is a self-centered attitude. I want this, I want that Often we are not being realistic about our own ability or about our objective reality. When we have a clear picture of our own capacity  we can be realistic about our effort. Then there is a much greater chance of achieving our goals.”

At the last few pages of the book there are specific mental exercises you can complete during moments of self doubt or difficulty. I found those very helpful and concrete.  I can send these to anyone that's interested. Finally, I'll leave you with this..