I'd never heard of Alexis Jones, I had no idea she was on Survivor, or that I AM THAT GIRL is an actual non-profit
I never thought I was a person who made excuses. (definitely not at work, I have always made a habit of owning up to my mistakes) and I thought this theory only applied to things you DIDN'T want to do, not things you actually wanted to do but didn't (out of fear) I've been saying for 5 months. I want to get serious about getting out of debt. So that I could move to Seattle. For about a year now i've been considering doing some stand-up comedy. I kept making excuses to buy things i don't need. Not pack my own lunch, and also to not go to this cafe/bookstore that hosts a monthly all women's open mic night.
"it's too cold out" "I dressed like crap today" "I'm too sweaty and gross post workout" then I talked to my dad and gave him the workout excuse. (AND I had a giant zit on my nose and looked like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer!) He said, SO WHAT?! go after your workout anyway. nobody cares what you look like. I thought.. I'm going to stop making excuses and check it out. I knew I probably wasn't going to perform, I just wanted to check out the scene and the vibes, and assess whether or not my "brand" of comedy would be appreciated.
The host was very warm and gracious, the atmosphere was very relaxed and welcoming. The performers were a diverse crowd. The topics ranged from dating, to periods, to anxiety I could definitely fit in here!
My proposed topics would include.. being approached by "the needy" I use quotes because one time it was coming from a college kid on a bike with flawlessly preppy clothes while I carried a Whole Foods bag and talking on the phone. That same day I was crossing the street and the man approached me as i was crossing the street. Very uncomfortable, not to mention a safety hazard!! I"M TELLING YOU The bag made me a target.. Oh she can afford to shop at whole foods she must have $$$ to giveaway! (Little did they know i bought 1/2 ground lamb for $2.50 a $2.00 tub of feta cheese and a can of diced tomatoes 0.99 total $6.00
Dating a closeted gay man for 3 months, spending $1,000.00 on gifts/date night bar bills while I was unemployed and he had a job. Shower sex epic fails and injuries sustained.Other horrific encounters with men including "a beer light" a vinyl record of "West Side Story chase/stabbing scene as "mood music" the time a guy had a sex dream about me while he was sleeping in the bed NEXT to me!
#manbrain (alllll the times my female friends ask me to explain the actions thoughts and words of their significant other. these women admit to being emotionally sensitive and at times overreact to the times their men have "wronged" them) and ask me to present a logical explanation and suggestion as to how to proceed.
Then I read this book:
Lindy West is a feminist writer/blogger and comedy enthusiast. She's also a full figured woman. In one of the chapters she talks about comics who make jokes about "rape" "fat people" or homosexuality and other social issues in a way that's totally not constructive or funny. These comics are usually men, and usually not a target of said demographic. and have actually alienated audience members without realizing the statistics that at least 1 in 4 might belong to one of these minority groups. Comedy has the power to use your voice as social commentary to build up instead of tear down. To say something meaningful about the powerful vs. the powerless. To shred the social "norms" and make it okay to talk about being overweight or even just female from a place of empowerment and break down the barriers that nobody wants to discuss or just ignores all together.
So in processing this POV, I have to ask myself, how much of my own personal "brand" of comedy is uncovering truth WITHOUT tearing anyone down? It makes you really analyze what your intended message really is.
When I talk about dating a "closeted" gay guy, my frustration lies in the fact that his erection never lasted longer than 10 minutes, he never touched me, he was cheap and never paid for anything and also tore me down to feel better about himself. When I mentioned being approached by the "needy" my intent was not that I was offended by their poverty and asking me for $, but the fact that they appeared to be men that had no regard for my safety while asking me for money. I can understand if these clarifications are not made while telling the stories how they could come across as less than compassionate.
I am attracted to the Truth and while my delivery of said truth bombs has at times come into question it doesn't make the content of the message any less true.
I worry. I worry all the time about people I love making the absolute WRONG decisions and suffering because of them. I don't want them to repeat any of my mistakes, and often become disappointed when they don't consult me about things they know i've already experienced (leaving a job you hate and getting a new one) especially if this is my new chosen field of expertise! Dining areas in Chicago, ect! when I express concern it is automatically labeled "negative"
"Why do you always have to nag people and be so negative?"
I don't think I"m being negative, I think I'm concerned for (insert relative) for making (insert life choice) so hastily without thinking of the consequences. And I'm allowed to be concerned as a person who loves them.-- I could also argue the same people who call me "negative" (only 2 or 3 of the same relatives) are the MOST truth-adverse people on the planet. They live in a world of sunshine and rainbows and everything is fine. Medication fixes all problems and denial works for everyone!!
and while they have zero experience in any kind of career transition or even a career that's not part time or free lance. they have even less valid information on the subject. than I do.) So wouldn't you applaud my attempts to help? Facts are not important to these people, emotions are. and that is where we have a difference of opinion and lifestyle all together. So what did I learn from all of this? Choose your words carefully, and whom you share them with. It's true not everyone is going to agree with you. But some people will label you whatever they want to so the focus is on you not them.
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